nucchi

I may be. If this whole ‘blogging from the phone’s works out. I may be back and better than ever!

I’ve struggled for years with my faith. As a child, being brought up Catholic, I didn’t get much from the church. I was actively involved in my youth group, but that was just for the social aspects. I got married in the Catholic church, had both my children baptized, but for who? If someone asked me my religion, I’d respond with catholic, but only because that was all I knew.

But it was not enough for me. I toyed with visiting other churches to see if there was something I was missing, to give religion another shot. My husband was not on board. He likes the tradition of catholocism, he’s like an old man, stuck in his ways.

A little over a year ago, I began attending Kensington Community Church. It was so interesting and exciting, like a rock concert and a self help seminar every week. Nearly every week, I cried or at least fought tears during the service – I felt like they were speaking to me, speaking to the problems in my life, opening a door for me to fix my life! But at the beginning, it didn’t feel like church. It wasn’t about Jesus or believing in him. Until today.

During my search for a ‘new religion’ my comment would be “I don’t need a church to talk to God.” as if I talked to God. Well, I guess I did, but they were selfish want/help prayers. I thought that maybe I wasn’t very christian at all, because I didn’t attend, I didn’t pray, I didn’t read the bible, etc.

Today the teaching pastor really touched my heart and my relationship with Christ. He made me realize, I’ve have been a Christian all along, and I’ve been REAL about it. Not one of those ‘holier than thou’ types who pretends they are perfect. No, I make mistakes – everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t make you less of a person. I’ve struggled with the church because all along, I was read ’stories’ about Christ. Now, I am hearing the truth and the life of Christ. Now I can honestly say, I’m ready to believe, I’m ready to love, and I’m not ashamed of my love for Christ.

So often we worry about what others think, but for me – not anymore. I will put my life out there, I will share my love of Christ with others, and I will be a better Christian starting today.

Here’s a pic of my latest ‘work’ that I did for my brother-in-law and his fiance…

Today my baby, my first born, my princess, turned 5 years old.  5 Years! Thats crazyiness! It seems like we brought her home just yesterday. Hell, it seems like just yesterday when she was sick at Children’s hospital, with fears of cancer in our midst.

Jianna @ Childrens Hospital, August 2007

Just this past week we started back to school shopping as she’s starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Not your old school, half day, am or pm kindergarten, oh no.  She’s going full day baby! She’ll have art class and music class, gym, and will even get to eat lunch at school this year!

I’m so proud of her. I am sad to see her leave her toddler years, but excited to see what she’ll become.

today was the second day in a row where I caught Mason licking the dew off my car. yuck.

Wanna know what I’m sick of? I’m sick of fakeness.  I’m sick of people that bitch and bitch and bitch, but don’t do anything about it. I’m sick of weak, wishy washy people.  I’m sick of accepting crap because things will never change. I’m sick of holding in my feelings because I don’t want to rock the boat.  I’m sick of worrying about what anyone else thinks about me or what I say or what I look like.

I’m not perfect.  Not in the least.  But I’m real. I may have my insecurities, but at the same time, I know who I am.  If you don’t want my opinion, then keep your bitching to yourself.  I’m not going to keep helping you and giving you advice if you’re going to second guess me every second.  Whats the point? You’re wasting my time and stressing me out because you can’t think for yourself.  This is who I am.  If you don’t like it, then that’s your problem.

whew.  i feel much better, thanks internet.

I love facebook. I’m somewhat addicted to it. Every evening, I check my email and go on facebook. What do I do on there every day? Mostly look at the status updates for anything interesting. Look to see if any friends have posted pictures. check for messages (which aren’t very frequent). But the best part of facebook is seeing a new friend request! Who could it be? Most times, it’s someone I may not care too much about, but what if it’s a long lost friend whom I haven’t spoke with and have been looking for FOREVER?

Now, here is my only issue with Facebook. And it’s not really with facebook, it’s more with how I let the information I see on there affect me.

I became reaquainted with a girl on facebook that I went to college with for one year. We got a long very well that year, but she didn’t come back to school and we sort of lost touch. During that year, however, she was not one to focus much on her education, and because of that, I didn’t expect her to accomplish too much. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how I felt. She was a great person with very little motivation to do anything besides party, drink, etc. We got to talking (messaging really) and I found out that this girl, now a married woman, has gotten her bachelors, her masters, and is pursuing her PhD in some child related psychology or education degree. She’s lived on both sides of the country and spent some time ‘finding herself’. Wow. Did I ever feel like I loser finding that out. Here I am, with only a bachelors. 3 months after I got married, I got pregnant and haven’t seen the world or done much of anything.

Does anyone else do that? get jealous of someone you hardly know based on facts you see in print without even finding out if they are truely happy? I find myself comparing our career choices, even becoming jealous of the pictures they have posted on their pages becuase they look like they have more fun than I do, or their friends look more fun than mine, or they know how to have a good time. How completely SAD is that?

It doesn’t stop at facebook either. I have blogs that I read frequently and I find myself envious of the people that write them. Envious for their experiences, of their writing ability, of their following, of their relationships. I know that jealousy is a normal thing to a certain extent. And it’s not like I am jealous in the “what a bitch” kind of way, it’s more like I envy them but am glad they have become successful. I wish I knew how to take these feelings and turn them into a motivating factor for becoming a better person. I guess that’s what I need to strive for every day.

Can I just say, I HATE when people reply to all.  There must be some written law or etiquette manual that I can send to people to get them to stop.  Aren’t there RULES to reply all?  Here are my rules…

Rule #1 – Do not reply to all

There – that’s it.  What do you all think?

No seriously, some people that reply to all are just embarrassing themselves.  Take for instance…. my friends sister.  She replies to all constantly.  She will call someone out on something in a replied email, airing her grievances for the entire address book to see. To be completely honest, I get uncomfortable seeing it. 

I, myself, happen to be very good at editing my emails. And others if they choose (my boss and co-worker).

Another thing my …. friends family…. does a lot is this emailing back and forth, like when there is a gathering taking place (for example – Christmas) and each person is going to bring some food.  So the first person sends an email to the whole family letting them know she’s going to bring rolls.  Then the second person replies all to that email, letting everyone know that they will bring mashed potatoes, and so on and so forth until there are 20 emails in the inbox with the same fucking message.  Guess what – I don’t care! Hey, if I volunteer to bring something that someone else has already ‘called’, then let me know and I bring something else.  is it that difficult?

Whoa… got a little wound up there for a bit. But I feel better now…

I guess there is a lull in any excitement in my life, therefor I can’t seem to find anything to write about. I wish I was interesting like this blog or this one, but besides my life being that boring, they are obviously FAR better writers than I am.  (that would make it seem as though I am a writer at all, and while I can edit co-workers emails so they don’t come off as being too bitchy, I am definately NOT a writer…)

Anyhoo, life is boring. Christmas is almost here, the credit crisis in America is killing me, as is the automotive crisis.  well, that’s not really killing me YET, but it’s scaring the hell out of me. I don’t even want to watch the news or read the paper, it’s too depressing.

My hot flashes/heat intolerance continues and I’m utterly annoyed.  I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in late January, but that’s not soon enough for me.  This is a quality of life issue for me and pretty soon I’m going to go crazy.

Monkey is FINALLY walking. still not talking, but I guess one thing at a time, right? 

Hey, I told you my life was boring right now…