A letter to a few people in my life:

I love you and wish nothing but the best for you. However, I need to cut you from my lie. I have my own life and issues to face and no longer wish to hear about your petty shit. The world does not revolve around you.

I realize that you will never change and never see the fault in your ways, and while I really want to help you, I have finally accepted that you are beyond help. The only person I can fix is me. So that is who I choose to help.

But it was not enough for me. I toyed with visiting other churches to see if there was something I was missing, to give religion another shot. My husband was not on board. He likes the tradition of catholocism, he’s like an old man, stuck in his ways.

A little over a year ago, I began attending Kensington Community Church. It was so interesting and exciting, like a rock concert and a self help seminar every week. Nearly every week, I cried or at least fought tears during the service – I felt like they were speaking to me, speaking to the problems in my life, opening a door for me to fix my life! But at the beginning, it didn’t feel like church. It wasn’t about Jesus or believing in him. Until today.

During my search for a ‘new religion’ my comment would be “I don’t need a church to talk to God.” as if I talked to God. Well, I guess I did, but they were selfish want/help prayers. I thought that maybe I wasn’t very christian at all, because I didn’t attend, I didn’t pray, I didn’t read the bible, etc.

Today the teaching pastor really touched my heart and my relationship with Christ. He made me realize, I’ve have been a Christian all along, and I’ve been REAL about it. Not one of those ‘holier than thou’ types who pretends they are perfect. No, I make mistakes – everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t make you less of a person. I’ve struggled with the church because all along, I was read ‘stories’ about Christ. Now, I am hearing the truth and the life of Christ. Now I can honestly say, I’m ready to believe, I’m ready to love, and I’m not ashamed of my love for Christ.

So often we worry about what others think, but for me – not anymore. I will put my life out there, I will share my love of Christ with others, and I will be a better Christian starting today.