nucchi

So, I’ve felt like a million different things were going on with my body, so I went and asked the doctor.

Doc took blood.  all my hormones came back fine, but my TSH was elevated.  So I repeated the bloodwork on Monday for TSH.  I should know tomorrow, but I expect that it’s still elevated and may have to treat my thyroids issue.  Hopefully this explains my excessive sweating and heat intolerance.

Had a mammogram. rt breast came back irregular, so I had to go back on Monday for a spot compression.  the lady said that it’s probably nothing, that because they didn’t have anything to compare to they have to be more vigilant.  So I’m not too worried but I’ll find out in a few weeks.
Went and had a sonohysterogram yesterday. First they did a regular ultrasound and found I have polycystic ovaries. This was a surprise to me because a few months after monkey was born I had an ultrasound because of pain in my abdomen – they were specifically looking for PCOS and they weren’t there.  Actually, the lady asked me if I was trying to concieve again because I was REALLY fertile… So I guess to treat it, they may put me on some hormone treatment or birth control.

After the ultrasound, they did a transvaginal then sonohysterogram.  When they put the saline in my uterus, they noticed a growth or polyp in my uterine lining.  So, next step is a DNC to clean out the polyp.  I will hopefully get that scheduled today. The doctor didn’t tell me any complications from any of the above, he sounded like it was all normal and routine stuff, but I did my little internet search and found out some complications that I don’t think I should dwell on just yet.  One of which is endometrium cancer.  So we shall see.

My mother is battling breast cancer for the second time in her life.  She strongly urged me to get a mammogram because of the history, so I obliged.  My OB wrote me a script for a mammogram and ultrasound.  Well, I had that done a week or two ago.  However Friday I got a call on my voicemail at work from the mammography place.  I called back this morning and they want me to come back.  The radiologist found some questionable areas in my right breast and she wants to take some additional views, spot compression or something.

Now, I’m only 29 years old.  I’ll be honest and say that I haven’t really done any self-exams because honestly, I have NO idea what to look for.  I did find this little ‘diagram’ though, and while I wasn’t too nervous initially, this doesn’t make me feel better…

Now, I had an ultrasound too, but the woman I spoke to (who could be a clueless receptionist) said that it’s probably nothing, since I had an ultrasound too, but who knows if they are telling me everything… probably not.

So today, I worry…

a year ago today, in the midst of trying to find out what is wrong with j-bo, the doctors have come to a scary diagnosis.  While they still needed to do a test to confirm, could she possibly have…

leukemia?

the word, one word, turned our world upside down.  luckily j-bo was out of the room, in the play room with grandma and grandpa. i bawled for i don’t know how long.  my precious daughter, my perfect daughter, how could this be? how could this happen to my family?

Once the doctors had gone, after hubby and I tried to comfort each other, wiping each others tears… as soon as she came in the room, I held her.  I couldn’t let go. 

How could a child who had NEVER been sick (sure, the occasional cold- she had roseola once, but nothing more!) be admitted to a hospital with possibly LEUKEMIA? how could god put this on us with no warning?

That was the first night I went home. hubby stayed and my sister picked me up from the hospital. she dropped me off at home so I could take a long shower, pack even more things so I could return to the hospital for the evening.  I made some calls, told my family of this ‘possible’ diagnosis.  my dad picked me up a short while later and took me back to the hospital (no one was willing to let me drive in my current state.)

hubby and I spend the night together next to our beautifully perfect daughter.  we held each other as we both thought silently about our daughter and what was to become of our family.

She couldn’t walk.  Her eye(s) were nearly swollen shut.  She was not herself.

her third birthday - no, she's not stoned...

J-bo later in the day

did I mention I was 8.5 months pregnant at the time?

The day before her admission to Children’s hospital, J-bo was not herself.  she would not walk, and claimed that any weight put on her left leg hurt.  Her eye was swollen again, and she was crying a lot.  When we woke up (a year ago today) I called her pediatrician and we got in asap.  It seems like we were there forever, but eventually they decided that Children’s Hospital was the way to go.  At this point, we had been to the doctors maybe 8 times in the previous month, presenting with SO MANY differnet symptoms and no one had a clue.  The doctor was afraid that we were missing something, that maybe she had something more serious.

 

For the next several days, J-bo would undergo x-rays, have her blood drawn far too often, see specialist after specialist.  She saw ortho, she saw infectious disease. She saw hematology and oncology…

I would stay with her the whole time, even in my largeness, sleeping on the window seat next to my daughter.  My husband would lose his job over this, even if only for a month or two…(stupid cock sucker of a boss…)

Our world would turn upside down.  Our fate unknown…

 

 

I visited my dad in the hospital yesterday.  He looked much better than expected.  His lips were swolen from the sores, but they were healing. 

The hardest part about this is that my dad is so depressed.  It’s not a lot of fun seeing your father cry.  I really can’t believe how I managed to hold it together that day… but I guess I’ll pay for it after the fact with some random crying here and there.

What do you say to someone you love, who is hundreds of miles away, and is stricken by cancer?

Have I failed as a daughter?

Life gets busy, people forget to do things that they should do.  It’s easy to get caught up in life and forget about important (but maybe distant) things.

I called my mother last night.  It’s the first time I’ve called her since they both started chemo.  And she sounded horrible.  I mean, really bad.  She said she has some virus and she was waiting to get a prescription for it.  Something about high white cell count.  My dad I guess was the opposite with a low white cell count.  And the chemo had caused him to get canker sores all over his mouth and throat, so he was also pretty miserable. 

I wish I was closer to her – the 2 hours that seperate us make it hard for me to be there for her.  I mean, I could call more, but I don’t feel like that is enough.  My sisters and I all hate that she and my dad are up there, battling cancer together(alone) with the help of their other (old and probably not the healthiest) friends.   But what are we to do?

I have no idea how serious this all is… I guess I should find that out before time starts ticking away and i don’t have anymore time to spend with them. 

So, I’ve been told by my husband that I have an addictive personality.  “Me?” I thought to myself – can’t be!  Why have I never seen this before?

This after a few days of non-stop reading of a book series I’ve just stumbled accross – the Twilight saga… I decided one day that I needed to check it out.  No one I knew had read it, but I was seeing things all over myspace related to this series and I thought I needed to check it out. 

Twilight Book Cover

The following day I had a playdate with an old co-worker.  I knew she was a “reader” so I asked her if she’d heard of it.  She said “YEAH! Actually, after this I’m hitting the bookstore and picking up a copy!” That was it, now I had to read it.  I told her that when she was done, I needed to borrow it.

I didn’t last that long.  Two days later, I drove a half hour into an adjacent town (I was on vacation in the stix) to a walmart to pick up the paperback copy.  I couldn’t ignore my family completely (I’m a mom of two so there is no way I’m getting away with that) or else I would have finished it in a matter of hours.  By the following morning, just after breakfast, I was done and I was HOOKED.  When my son, 10 months old, ripped the cover off in my absence, I freaked out… my husband didn’t see why I cared so much, but this was one of those series I NEEDED to keep and read again!  Less than an hour later, I had all 4 books (including Breaking Dawn) on order from Amazon.

Even then, I was SO impatient with Amazon, I cancelled that order and went to Target to purchase #2 and #3 – which within 3 days I have completed.  I’m sick – all I do is think about twilight, I can replay scenes in my head, I can see it all perfectly. 

Am I retarded or what?  Does anyone else find themselves crazy over this series, over these characters?  ARRRGGGHHH!!!

So, I just found out last week that after 18 years in remission, my mother has breast cancer again.  Diagnosis is that it’s “aggressive”.  She’s living up north, away from the better medical facilities, so obviously my sisters and I were concerned about her treatment.  She told us that her doctor, who practices out of a local hospital up there, wanted to perform a partial mascectomy.  I asked her “Do you think you are going to get the best treatment up there?”  I’m sure I can speak for my sisters when I say that I wish my parents lived down here in the city where there is a better selection of doctors – lets face it – they aren’t getting any younger or healthier…

Since then, my mom did get a second opinion, which nixed the mascectomy and is doing a ‘sentinal node biopsy’ instead.  Then, if things don’t go as planned, she may have to undergo radiation.

Wanna know the kicker?  The same week we found out about my mom, my dad was also diagnosed with cancer.  They have ruled out lymphoma, but they are doing further tests to see where the malignant mass originated from…

Did I mention my my co-worker is out this week, getting a node removed from her neck due to her thyroid cancer? Geez…