nucchi

Yesterday, Mike told me he was going to be playing cards Saturday, so I was all like, “ok, but can I go out tomorrow then?” imagine me like a little puppy, tail wagging, excited to go out(side). “can I? can I? huh? huh? huh?”

Of course I can. Now the issue – who am I going to go out with and what do I think I’m gonna do?

It’s not that I don’t have friends. I do have friends. But unfortunately, I have not been good at keeping regular ‘play dates’ with my friends. And now, when I need to go somewhere, do something with someone other than my husband and two kids… nothing. no one. zilch. zero.

Thats ok, I got a bum knee from a roller derby injury last weekend, so I really should just rest anyway. But I don’t want to just rest. I need ME time. ok, I’ll blog.

As I sat down to search for inspiration for my bloggy-ness, the children locked downstairs with their father, I realize how impossible this task is. Mason SCREAMING for me downstairs…

MOMMY!! MOMMY!!

And now, Mike is bathing the children, pissed that I’m not helping… I guess he forgot our little deal…

Wanna know what I’m sick of? I’m sick of fakeness.  I’m sick of people that bitch and bitch and bitch, but don’t do anything about it. I’m sick of weak, wishy washy people.  I’m sick of accepting crap because things will never change. I’m sick of holding in my feelings because I don’t want to rock the boat.  I’m sick of worrying about what anyone else thinks about me or what I say or what I look like.

I’m not perfect.  Not in the least.  But I’m real. I may have my insecurities, but at the same time, I know who I am.  If you don’t want my opinion, then keep your bitching to yourself.  I’m not going to keep helping you and giving you advice if you’re going to second guess me every second.  Whats the point? You’re wasting my time and stressing me out because you can’t think for yourself.  This is who I am.  If you don’t like it, then that’s your problem.

whew.  i feel much better, thanks internet.

I love facebook. I’m somewhat addicted to it. Every evening, I check my email and go on facebook. What do I do on there every day? Mostly look at the status updates for anything interesting. Look to see if any friends have posted pictures. check for messages (which aren’t very frequent). But the best part of facebook is seeing a new friend request! Who could it be? Most times, it’s someone I may not care too much about, but what if it’s a long lost friend whom I haven’t spoke with and have been looking for FOREVER?

Now, here is my only issue with Facebook. And it’s not really with facebook, it’s more with how I let the information I see on there affect me.

I became reaquainted with a girl on facebook that I went to college with for one year. We got a long very well that year, but she didn’t come back to school and we sort of lost touch. During that year, however, she was not one to focus much on her education, and because of that, I didn’t expect her to accomplish too much. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how I felt. She was a great person with very little motivation to do anything besides party, drink, etc. We got to talking (messaging really) and I found out that this girl, now a married woman, has gotten her bachelors, her masters, and is pursuing her PhD in some child related psychology or education degree. She’s lived on both sides of the country and spent some time ‘finding herself’. Wow. Did I ever feel like I loser finding that out. Here I am, with only a bachelors. 3 months after I got married, I got pregnant and haven’t seen the world or done much of anything.

Does anyone else do that? get jealous of someone you hardly know based on facts you see in print without even finding out if they are truely happy? I find myself comparing our career choices, even becoming jealous of the pictures they have posted on their pages becuase they look like they have more fun than I do, or their friends look more fun than mine, or they know how to have a good time. How completely SAD is that?

It doesn’t stop at facebook either. I have blogs that I read frequently and I find myself envious of the people that write them. Envious for their experiences, of their writing ability, of their following, of their relationships. I know that jealousy is a normal thing to a certain extent. And it’s not like I am jealous in the “what a bitch” kind of way, it’s more like I envy them but am glad they have become successful. I wish I knew how to take these feelings and turn them into a motivating factor for becoming a better person. I guess that’s what I need to strive for every day.

I guess there is a lull in any excitement in my life, therefor I can’t seem to find anything to write about. I wish I was interesting like this blog or this one, but besides my life being that boring, they are obviously FAR better writers than I am.  (that would make it seem as though I am a writer at all, and while I can edit co-workers emails so they don’t come off as being too bitchy, I am definately NOT a writer…)

Anyhoo, life is boring. Christmas is almost here, the credit crisis in America is killing me, as is the automotive crisis.  well, that’s not really killing me YET, but it’s scaring the hell out of me. I don’t even want to watch the news or read the paper, it’s too depressing.

My hot flashes/heat intolerance continues and I’m utterly annoyed.  I have an appointment with an endocrinologist in late January, but that’s not soon enough for me.  This is a quality of life issue for me and pretty soon I’m going to go crazy.

Monkey is FINALLY walking. still not talking, but I guess one thing at a time, right? 

Hey, I told you my life was boring right now…

some recent events, including a trip to my therapist, have made me aware of the fact that I am, indeed, a control freak.  This characteristic has been the cause of many issues in my life – in my marriage, my work, etc.  So now I begin the period of my life where I try to figure out how to control it.  It’s not very fun to think about how this one thing about me has possibly been the cause of many problems.

My therapist has advised me to keep a journal and write down things that make me angry presently or things that made me angry in the past.  She thinks that by doing so, I’ll be able to get to the ‘hurt’ and potentially learn to accept it and or heal it…

any advice for being less of a control freak?

J-Bo's first day of preschool

man, it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  Things have been sort of busy.  J-bo started preschool (and loves it).  I was in Boston last week for work.  I’ve got tons of doctors appointments (cubital tunnal, mammogram, sonohysterogram).  And I’ve been reading the Harry Potter series (that’s probably my biggest excuse.) 

Harry Potter has been good. I wish I had more time to ready these days.  Hubby has gotten a little frustrated with my reading habit, so I’ve been trying to be a good girl and spend more time with the family.  I’ll be travelling again next week – off to Salt Lake for an audit.  I’m sure I’ll get a LOT of reading done then, plus HEROES starts back up so I’m excited to watch that in peace in my hotel on Monday – yippee!

Sorry, boring post, but i’ll try to be more interesting next time around

Now, I referenced my #1 in a previous post, but what about the rest of this list?  After reading a few posts from Dooce where she references her list (which she calls her Five Fame Fuckers list) , I thought I’d share mine.  First, the rules (taken from Dooce):

“if you’re in a committed relationship, you’re allowed to compile a list of five people you’d like to sleep with, but the people on the list not only have to be celebrities, they also have to be celebrities you don’t know or wouldn’t ever happen to bump into, even in the most remote social situation. To make things fair, the person you’re in the committed relationship with gets to compile his/her own list. “

Ok, so here is my list:

1. Josh Duhamel
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Orlando Bloom
4. Edward Cullen (aka Robert Pattinson)
5. Mark Ruffalo

Now, I don’t think there is any need to explain #1 -he’s simply gorgeous.

#2 – I know he’s a bit goofy and has done some weird shit, but it’s his voice and body – I cannot help it.  “alright alright alright”  YOWSAS

#3 – this is going to sound nuts, but I’ve had a crush on him since…. Lord of the rings.. is it weird that I want to screw and elf?

#4 – do I really have to explain this one? Twilight rocks! (movie comes out 11/21!)

#5 – He’s like the cute guy nextdoor.  Can’t explain it.

First off, congrats Michael on 8 gold medals!  Thats wonderful…

However, I must say, I am very, very happy that your appearance at these olympics is over.  Why? Oh well, mostly because I can’t stand the sight of you in those damn swim. shorts. trunks. thingies.  I mean, yes, I know, you have a rockin fit body.  But first of all – your torso is GINORMOUS.  I mean really, c’mon.  I don’t want to see you in those low rider trunks anymore.  I mean, seriously, I’m quite concerned for your boys in there, and I think I’m afraid they might make a guest appearance.  I’m not quite ready for that thank you. 

I could have swore I saw some… stuff… coming out of your trunks today, but my hubby disagrees. 

Him: “Just like gymnasts don’t have boobs, swimmers don’t have that.”

Me: “What does shaving down THERE have to do with anything?”

Him: “It makes them more streamlined.”

Me:”Um, it’s covered up by a swimsuit, what does that matter?…”

Anyway.  Congrats.  Please put some clothes on now.

I was just browsing around on etsy and I came accross this… well, it’s a weiner

sorry, I had to share it with SOMEONE! lol