But it was not enough for me. I toyed with visiting other churches to see if there was something I was missing, to give religion another shot. My husband was not on board. He likes the tradition of catholocism, he’s like an old man, stuck in his ways.

A little over a year ago, I began attending Kensington Community Church. It was so interesting and exciting, like a rock concert and a self help seminar every week. Nearly every week, I cried or at least fought tears during the service – I felt like they were speaking to me, speaking to the problems in my life, opening a door for me to fix my life! But at the beginning, it didn’t feel like church. It wasn’t about Jesus or believing in him. Until today.

During my search for a ‘new religion’ my comment would be “I don’t need a church to talk to God.” as if I talked to God. Well, I guess I did, but they were selfish want/help prayers. I thought that maybe I wasn’t very christian at all, because I didn’t attend, I didn’t pray, I didn’t read the bible, etc.

Today the teaching pastor really touched my heart and my relationship with Christ. He made me realize, I’ve have been a Christian all along, and I’ve been REAL about it. Not one of those ‘holier than thou’ types who pretends they are perfect. No, I make mistakes – everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn’t make you less of a person. I’ve struggled with the church because all along, I was read ‘stories’ about Christ. Now, I am hearing the truth and the life of Christ. Now I can honestly say, I’m ready to believe, I’m ready to love, and I’m not ashamed of my love for Christ.

So often we worry about what others think, but for me – not anymore. I will put my life out there, I will share my love of Christ with others, and I will be a better Christian starting today.

So I decided to go by myself, left the kids home with the hubby.

Of course I knew others that would be there, so it’s not like I was totally alone, but still, the whole fact that I am going to church again is crazy to me… I never thought it would happen.

But it is, and I am planning on going every weekend that I possibly can.  It’s not so much ‘church’ for me, but an hour of ‘self-help’ type commentary.  This was only my second week going, but both times I fought back tears as the comments really hit home.  It was as if the pastor (is that what you call him?  I guess I’m so used to the priests of the catholic church) was speaking DIRECTLY to me and no one else.  But I guess that’s what is good for everyone.  No matter what they portray on the outside, everyone has problems, everyone can relate.  Some people might be falling apart at the seems because of a failed marriage… others may be battling cancer or have loved ones battling cancer.  We all need something to make us get out of bed everymorning, to help us fight the fight.  I guess maybe I’m finally ready to let God back into my life.

So I went, and was pleasantly surprised.  It was really like a concert.  I was amazed by the details they put into the show, there was really great lighting as well as a music video that had to be done by them.  It was actually pretty crazy.  The musicians were so talented.  The speaker (I don’t know if I should call him a pastor or what) was entertaining.  I found that I both laughed and fought back tears in the same sitting. 

So I guess going to church was the right thing for me.  I think I learned some things I need to do for me and hopefully I can bring hubby with me next week…